You know those Rachel Berry type girls who think that the world revolves around their amazing talent and who believe that no one deserves the leads in the musicals quite as much as them and all the haters are simply misguided and jealous non-talented losers? (For those of you who are writers/learning to be writers, never write a sentence like that!) Anyway, you know those girls? Yeah, I used to be one of those girls in high school.
My ego definitely got the better of me as time went by, mostly because I finally recorded myself singing and realized that while good, I certainly was not Broadway good (which is not a criticism of myself in any way) I never landed any of the major leading roles, just the supporting roles. Doesn’t matter, to this day I just love being on stage.
I’m writing this because I have auditions in a week for Chicago. I’m auditioning for either Velma or Roxie, but realistically, my voice does not suit either of these roles. I just know the musical is going to be a blast no matter where they stick me.
Of course, there is always that little voice inside my head that keeps whispering, If you don’t blow your audition, you could totally be Roxie Hart. Sing it with me now…”The name on everybody’s lips is gonna be…”
And I need to make that voice shut-up for the forty-five seconds I’ll be allowed to audition, because that voice gives me stage fright. It’s the really annoying stage fright where mentally, I know I’m fine. I have been auditioning for singing parts since I was nine-years-old, I know the drill. I know that many times I am successful. Sometimes not. In the end it doesn’t matter.
But my body starts quivering and my heart won’t stop beating at 175 beats per minute even though I keep taking deep, cleansing breathes, and when I open my mouth I swear you can hear the heartbeat in my voice, and heartbeats do not make voices sound pretty. This never happens to me during an actual performance, when all is dark and I can’t see the audience. It only happens to me during auditions, when the lights are all on and I know that every single person sitting out there is holding a clipboard and straining their ears, waiting to judge me.
I’m not going to tell you how to get over stage fright, I’m going to simply tell you to deal with it. Stage freight should never stop you from getting on that stage, because once you’re up there, you’re not getting off.
And you live through it.
I had a job interview yesterday at my own job, with my own boss and my own HR Manager who I know well. The job was for a promotion that I kind of want, but if I don’t get it I’ll just be able to go on, taking care of my plants happily and without care. It wasn’t like a lot was riding on that interview.
Still, I was shaking and nervous going into the interview. My HR manager kept asking me if I was alright, which just made me more nervous because I was not making a good impression if I was physically shaking.
But then I opened my mouth to answer the first question.
Just like every time I get on stage and open my mouth to sing that first note.
The most difficult part about stage freight is forcing yourself to start singing, because once you start singing, you can’t stop.. Even when I practice songs I sing them from beginning to end. I have to train myself to know that no matter how bad it’s going, the song needs to be completed. Even if I mess up the first verse, if I can get my strength back during the refrain I still have a chance to blow them all away.
Just like with my job interview, as soon as I started answering questions, even the ones I didn’t know the actual answer to, I immediately felt calm. I was already out there, on stage, I couldn’t turn back.
I didn’t get the job, and usually at my auditions I get a minor part. Still, I tried. I didn’t allow the fear to control me.
Everything deserves a chance. Next time you feel yourself trembling beneath the spotlight, close your eyes, open your mouth and sing.
